User blog:TrentFan/Ten Little Wikians...: Chapter One - And Then There Were Nine

Chapter 1:

TF, Conker, Lucina, and Phy all sat in a table, listening to the usual ramblings of insurance money between Dianted and Dark- a recently engaged couple. Conker picked his food around with his fork, as TF and Phy drank their drinks. Lucina, meanwhile, was sleeping.

"Why does Surfer make the dullest food?" TF asked, looking at his oatmeal; the 3 guys in the table were all a bit irritated already by Dark and Dianted's arguing.

"Something about it being healthy or some junk like that..." Conker pouted, "Urg...stupid oatmeal."

"What d'you think they're arguing about this time?" Phy asked TF and Conker.

"We won't need to wonder- Dark's voice is rising, so you know it means they're going to start shouting..." TF explained, now playing with his fork just like Conker.

"We're going to have to live in a shed!" Dark pouted, "We need your insurance money!"

"Well, that means I'm going to die- and that isn't an option is it? Maybe if you would actually get a job..." Dianted rolled his eyes.

"Dianted Dianted! Why am I even going to marry you?! I should just storm out of the room, right now!" Dark shouted, "You're so ignorant!"

"Well, I'm not the one who is suggesting for the other to go kill themselves because they're too lazy to work now, am I?!" Dianted shouted back, "Screw Nano- I'll get the message from someone else. I'd call off the marriage, if that ring wasn't so expensive. Everything has to be the best with you!"

"Because I am the best- well, except Junko-chan somtimes...wait, where is Junko-chan, anyway?" Dark's whole demeanor changed.

"Junko-who? Ugh, I'm marrying a nutjob..." Dianted nodded his head in disbelief, and just sat down.

"What did we just walk into?" ACTN asked Nano who was behind him as they walked in, who shrugged, "They fight everyday..."

Conker saw Loenev entering and stood up and joined her at the table she sat in: the Dianted & Dark table, as they had called it, as every time one of the wikians called a meeting, that's where Dianted & Dark sat- and then promptly, fought. ACTN went to fill Conker's vacant seat, as Nano sat with Conker & Loenev. The room's wallpaper was of black and grey checkers, which didn't add a vibrant vibe to anyone there- except the Dianted's who sat there, still bickering.

"So, how have you guys been?" ACTN asked his table members kindheartedly.

"I've been better..." TF sighed, tossing the fork into a trash can from afar, "You?"

"I've been great- I think I'm close to stealing Loenev away from Conker...not sure, though." ACTN said, smiling weakly, "Say- Lucina's a girl, right-"

"I've been awake since the shouting," Lucina grumbled and then stated sarcastically, "Thanks for the compliment- though, it's normally Dark who is asked this."

"No, I knew you were a girl- I meant-"

"Just don't. You'll make things worse." TF said suddenly while staring at the oatmeal, "Wait, I think this moved-"

"Hey, gurl!" Dark said, startling everyone but Lucina.

"Heyyyy," Lucina replied, hugging Dark.

"Why did you sound irritated?" Dark asked.

"Oh," Lucina then glared at ACTN, but due to her general kindness in personality, after seeing the fear in ACTN's eye, quickly made a lie, "Just had Surfer's food. Not really good- but, it is healthy? Yeah! That's something."

"My husband has been eating healthy lately over his usual McDonald's...mostly so he doesn't die and I get life insurance..." Dark pouted, "Wah!" She ran away crying.

"Poor Dark...TF, you're coming with me to cheer her up-"

"-Wait, what?"

"Come on, please?" Lucina used her puppy eyes, while TF sighed.

"Fine." TF replied, "I normally don't mind helping cheer anyone up, but it's been about the same thing five times in a row-"

"What are friends for, though?" Lucina asked, smiling.

"Cookies? I don't know." Lucina then glared at him, "Hey- I did say I'd go."

"Great- now, Phy, you too!" Lucina smiled.

"Wait, what-"

Meanwhile, Conker, Loenev, Nano, and Dianted were seated playing cards.

"Thank everything she's gone..." Dianted sighed with relief, "I love her, but can't stand her at the same time...if only I didn't let her watch that one episode of SpongeBob- with Mr. Krabs, you know? He'd do anything for money. It's upsetting."

"So you think she got it from Mr. Krabs?" One of the 510 Brothers asked, "I'm pretty sure that's been a personality quirk of hers since she was born.

"Yeah, I do Conker, unless- wait, was she just holding back until after we got married so she'd get my life insurance when I died? Damn it..." Dianted shook a sandwich in the air.

"Um, I'm Nano-"

"It's not time for jokes right now, Conker, I just wasted 100 dollars for a wife who only cares about me for my money...I thought she actually liked me..." Dianted buried his hands in his hair, "I fold. I can't think right now. Doge was right- I should have waited. This is my punishment for not listening to the almighty Doge."

"Uh, could I have your attention?" Surfer asked as he stepped on the platform, "How are you enjoying your meals?"

"They're not the best..." TF said, trying to lay it down as gently as possible.

"Darn...I really thought I had it this time," Surfer shook his head while pacing around the platform, "Well- besides that, anyway...I got envelopes for all of you. Hand 'em out, please, Phy-"

"No."

"Fine...oh, uh, Lucina! You're too nice to say no! Well, TF is too...meh, Lucina, do it!" Surfer smiled proudly, as Lucina stood up -a bit irritated-to snatch the envelopes away and hand them out to everyone, "Great, thanks!" Lucina shot him Luigi's death glare.

"Uh, what is this?" Phy asked, pulling out a picture of NLG, battered and bruised- with blood on the ground.

"You have all committed murder! All of you! Cold-hearted, bloody, twisted murder!" Surfer suddenly shouted, "And I'm turning you all in for the money- I learned from you, Dark..."

Dark pulled out a picture of Blake, lifeless in a pool, which says "How does it feel to be on the receiving end, Blake?" and shot up her finger.

"Hey- hey, no need for crude body language..." Surfer said smirking cooly, "I'm just getting f***ing rich! What a brilliant brain blast I had!"

"Um- why do I have a picture of you dancing around naked-"

"Damn it Dark- first the idol, then this?" Dark then snickered at Surfer's misery, "Sorry, TF, here you go."

"Uh...this is just another picture of you naked?" TF said, disgusted.

"Wait, hold on..." Surfer said, flicking through the pictures, "Oh- I have nothing for you. You haven't killed anyone, sorry TF, you can go."

"Thank you..." TF spoke, walking over to the door- proceeding to attempt to open the door by pushing and pulling, only noticing it's locked, "Wait, it's locked?"

"It shouldn't be locked, hold on...." Surfer walked over to the door and tried to open it, "Damn it! It's the- the-" He then turned pale.

"What's wrong, Surfer?" TF asked, worried.

"B-but, you-" Then a gunshot was heard- as well as an earsplitting yelp and cry from Surfer who then fell to the ground, while TF pulled out his pistol to counter and looked around but found nothing.

"Surfer!" Everyone rushed up to his bloody body, as he tried to speak, but couldn't. Soon, life left his eyes.

"Surfer, no..." TF laid down next to the body, "Who did it? Who?

"Answer me!" TF said, looking at everyone, who just shrugged nervously.

"It wasn't me, mate..." Nano said, holding his hands up.

"Urg...Surfer...I'm sorry..." TF closed Surfer's eyes and then looked down palely at Surfer's now lifeless body. He was just an innocent soul- cruel for money- but still innocent. TF then stood up and wandered around the room silently, as the others wept for Surfer's death- all except the confused Nano and Dark, who just shrugged. Suddenly in the other exit, TF found a note.

"Guys, look!" TF said, signaling to the note, "Come on, look!"

"What is it?" Nano asked, as they walked over.

"It looks to be some sort of note..." TF said as he skimmed it, "Ten Little Wikians, it says..."

"Damn it Nano, is this another poem about your inner goddess? Stop hanging around Liam and Jordan!" Conker said to his brother, annoyed.

"My inner goddess is beautiful!" Nano spoke proudly, "You can't say the same! Besides, my writing is horrible...that wasn't me."

"Boys, stop fighting..." Loenev frowned.

"Fine..." Nano and Conker crossed their arms and grumbled.

"It's amazing what Loenev could get them to do," Dianted said, "She's actually a good person, unlike someone!'

"Just die and give me the insurance money already and we wouldn't be fighting!" Dark argued back.

"Both of you shut up," TF snapped- and TF rarely snapped. This put Dianted and Dark back into submission, as they looked sheepishly at the ground, "Someone just died and you couldn't care less!"

"She started it..." Dianted said, feeling bad and on the verge of tears, "H-hey, grown men can cry too- or...think about it!"

"I volunteer as tribute to read the poem aloud," Phy said, as he walked up right next to TF, "My Slytherin Blood-"

"Wrong place-"

"Oh...eh, I'll do it anyway." Phy shrugged.

Everyone looked to Phy as he read.

Ten Little Wikians having a blast, (zooms in on Surfer's dead body) one was shot and went down fast, and then there were nine.

Nine Little Wikians looking for love, (zooms in on Dark) one was dancing and crushed by a dove, and then there were eight.

Eight Little Wikians running from fate, (zooms in on Conker) one was cut down on what they thought was a date, and then there were seven.

Seven Little Wikians ready for their final dances, (zooms in on TF) one walked alone and foolishly took their chances, and then there were six.

Six Little Wikians, one a weird-ish gamer and the devil's son, (zooms in on Dianted) but they were playing the faker, and tripped over themselves- and with that they were done, and then there were five.

Five Little Wikians, one trapped underground, (zooms in on Nano) one received what they wanted, but was never found. And then there were four.

Four Little Wikians still able to resist, (zooms in on Loenev) Life imitated creations, but with a twist, and then there were three.

Three Little Wikians, one very axial, (zooms in on Lucina)

"Hey, sorry, but, there's no way these deaths will turn out how you plan out-"

"Yeah, but- what if the killer thought of that?" Phy asked.

"That'd be Looney Tunes..." Lucina said, awestruck.

there was no escape, so in the end they frontflipped for style, and then there were two.

Two Little Wikians, one driven by bloodlust, (zooms in on ACTN) the survivor in their fury, pulled out something from Gus, and then there was one. (zooms in on Phy)

"Hey, why am I the murderer?" ACTN asked, distraught, "I would never murder anyone, well...except maybe, Blake."

"And why do I die second?" Dark pouted, "WAAAAAAH!"

"Well, everyone knows you're not making it far." Lucina said gently, "But, look at the bright side, I do!"

"I'm not sure that's a bright side for Dark, Lucina," TF said cautiously, "Anyway, we need a plan...some way to catch the killer before this prophecy comes true...any ideas?"

"I already read the thing, I think that's enough," Phy shrugged, "Plus, I got nothing."

"I- I think I have something..." Nano spoke, his voice carrying the room, hoping his voice would impress Loenev, "Lucina, you have Falchion, right?" "Yeah- always do!"

"It should gleam if it senses evil or something..." Nano said, "Stab the person it gleams on!"

"Good idea, Nano!" Lucina said kindly, " Anyone else agree?"

"It's better than no plan at all! Count me in on it." TF said, happily.

"Great, then step over here TF." Lucina said, using Falchion to point to the spot.

"W-wait, me?" TF stammered, "Why me?"

"We're practically best friends- besides all the European, Australian, and American wikians." Lucina smiled.

"We've helped Dark out together like twice, sat at the same table twice, and talked about getting lunch once?" TF said, nervously.

"Same thing-"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's not-"

"Relax, I'll only stab you if Falchion gleams." Lucina smiled again.

"Oh...alright. Not like I have anything to hide." TF said, slowly walking to the spot.

"Ready?"

TF took a deep breath.

"Ready."

Suddenly the lights turned off, and lots of shouting and running was heard throughout the room, as they scrambled to different parts of the meeting place. When the light turned on, Lucina stood alone.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Falchion...are you frightened? I am..." Lucina said trembling before pausing, "You know, Lucina, people that aren't Dark might actually like you and not be creeped out by you, if you stopped talking to yourself or pretending Falchion was a person."

Lucina sighed and then walked away.

...

A picture of Surfer shows up. Engraved in it is "One was shot down and went down fast, and then there were nine."